How Greenback Stole Christmas
by Sabertooth Kitty
Summary: Parody of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Baron Greenback decides he's had enough with Christmas, and decides to steal it from the people of London!


HOW GREENBACK STOLE CHRISTMAS

This one has a G-rating (for Greenback... ~_^).

I own none of the characters in this story.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: As you might have guessed, this is a version of Dr. Suess' ever-popular "How the Grinch Stole Christmas", and despite having lost my copy of the book (either hidden in the attic or donated to the Salvation Army), I'm still doing my best to give this story a "Suess-ish" touch, so to speak. Not everything is word-perfect, but trust me- writing a rhyme like this is much harder than it looks!

Consider this my Christmas present to every Danger Mouse fan, especially Ellie ET (who gave me the inspiration for this story). Enjoy!

Our story begins in a small little house,

The abode of the top agent, Danger Mouse,

And Penfold, his assistant and very close friend,

And on this certain day, there was no end

To the shopping and chores needed to be done,

For in a few days, Christmas would come!

Now, hidden away, not too far from that place,

Sat Baron Greenback, a sour look on his face.

His henchman, Stiletto, wandered into the room

And noticed his boss' expression of gloom.

He dared not to ask, for he knew the reason

Why Greenback hated the holiday season-

The tidings of happiness, joy, and good cheer

Were more than enough to make the old toad sneer.

His heart was too cold for such wondrous joy

(He had been that way since he was a boy).

For years he would sit back, while the world had fun

And enjoyed their holidays until they were done.

This year, however, would be quite strange,

For old Baron Greenback had his mind set on change.

The days until Christmas were counting down,

But the Terrible Toad had already found

Someone obliged to handle his bidding-

His henchcrow, Stiletto, who was far from willing

To participate in such a mischievous plot,

But regardless he had too- whether he liked it or not.

"Stiletto," he ordered, "here's what you need to do-

I need a Santa costume, and a good one too!

Find me the costume, some sacks, and a sleigh;

I'll need them the night before Christmas day."

So off went the henchman, fulfilling his deeds

And collecting all of the Baron's needs:

A big metal sleigh, some huge burlap sacks,

And the costume (with room for some holiday snacks).

When all this was done, Stiletto still thought

That there had been something he must have forgot.

Then he remembered- for the huge sleigh to steer,

He had to acquire a flying reindeer!

Where to find one, the crow had no clue,

But old Baron Greenback knew just what to do:

He had the sleigh modeled to be light as a feather

And to steer flawlessly in the cold, stormy weather.

As for the reindeer, he made one instead

By tying fake antlers to Stiletto's head.

At last, the night of Christmas Eve came around.

All of London was quiet, except for the sound

Of sleigh-bells ringing and many joyful guffaws-

Could it be? Was it really Santa Claus??

Unfortunately, it was not St. Nick;

It was Greenback, up to his holiday trick.

According to plan, they passed every house

And went straight to the home of Danger Mouse.

They parked on the rooftop ever so nimbly;

Then Stiletto helped Greenback stuff himself down the chimney.

The old toad chuckled, with a grin so sly,

"If Santa can do this, then so can I."

When at last he had slid down the chimney with care,

He looked 'round the parlor, sniffing the air.

A plate of cookies had been set aside

(Along with some milk) and what stood right beside

Was the thing about Christmas he hated most of all-

The Christmas tree, surrounded by gifts large and small.

The Terrible Toad grinned from ear to ear,

"Ah, the presents," he said with a sneer,

"These blasted gifts are the first things to go."

He started grabbing them, row by row,

Shoving them back up the chimney with cheer

While Stiletto (the makeshift henchcrow/reindeer)

Shoved all the gifts into bags on the sleigh.

"This ought to ruin their Christmas Day,"

Baron Greenback chuckled in his sick, twisted glee

As he began moving away from the tree.

"The stockings are next, then their decor and their food-

That should put a damper on their holiday mood."

The Baron snuck 'round the house, stealing all he could find-

The stockings, the lights, their food and their wine,

And all the assorted Christmas knickknacks

Were shoved up the chimney and into the sacks.

After the rest of the house had been plundered,

Greenback went for the tree and took it asunder,

Tearing away all its beautiful trimmings.

"Now," said the Baron, his evil grin brimming,

"The tree should slip up the chimney with ease."

With all of his might, he began to squeeze

The tree up the chimney, when lo and behold,

Who should stumble in wearily but little Penfold!

He saw the old toad, and in curiosity,

He asked, "Santa? Why are you taking our tree?"

Greenback then stopped, shocked by the sound.

Slowly (and quietly) he turned back around

And saw the young hamster, who was slightly confused.

The fake Santa grinned, saying, "Shouldn't you be a-snooze?

I'm merely... repairing this old tree you have here,

And once I am finished, I'll return it... next year.

In the meantime, I have a replacement you can use.

You'll still get your presents- there's no way you can lose!"

Penfold smiled, buying into this lie,

And with a wide yawn and the rub of his eye,

He said, "Alright then- please, go ahead,"

And with another loud yawn, he went off to bed.

Again, Greenback let a wide grin cross his face

As he shoved the tree up and left the place.

Once Stiletto had loaded the tree onto the sleigh,

The Baron ordered, "Let us be on our way."

After looting the home of Danger Mouse,

They continued going from house to house,

Stealing all sorts of gadgets and toys

That were meant for good little girls and boys.

They took all the decor, the trimmings, the trappings-

They even took leftover Christmas gift wrappings!

Finally, after all this was done,

They took off towards the rising sun

To at last put an end to the Christmas commotion,

For Greenback wanted it dumped into the ocean!

"First," he halted his henchman/reindeer,

"There is a sound I simply must hear-

The sound of London without Christmas Day!"

He paused, waiting for a cry of dismay.

It was then that their dreams of disorder were doused

By the presence of none other than... Danger Mouse!

"Baron Greenback," he shouted, "Stop this right now!"

The Baron replied, "Why should I, and how?

I'm just moments away from dumping all this!"

"Do you think you can stop me?" Danger Mouse hissed.

Greenback chuckled, "Go ahead, Witless Wonder,

But I doubt you'll make it before they go under."

With that last remark, Stiletto pulled back the lever.

It would seem Christmas would have been lost forever!

Then, the Mark III soared past as DM saved the day,

Grabbing each item as it came his way-

The food, the decor, and every last present

Had all been saved from a fate most unpleasant.

The White Wonder smirked. "You know better," he said,

"Than to fool the big man dressed in red."

As the Mark III soared higher into the sky,

The old toad couldn't help but mutter, "Why?"

It was then that two boxes dropped into the sleigh

(Along with a well-written note, by the way).

The note read, "To Greenback and Stiletto,

I know what you have been up to, fellows.

In the spirit of Christmas, I have made a decision-

Maybe you two need to be given

A small gift, out of sympathy.

Consider it a special gift from me."

From the toad and his henchman, there was a brief pause

When they read who it was from- "Santa Claus".

Curious, they each opened their present,

To see what the big man himself had sent.

Stiletto smiled at the gift Santa gave-

A small knife, with his name carved into the blade.

Greenback groaned in slight disdain-

A pocket-watch, with a metal chain.

He sighed, knowing it's worthless amount.

"Oh well," he muttered, "it's the thought that counts."

THE END! ^_^


End file.
